Oh, hi there. Before I get into this silly little story I want to do a disclaimer thingy. See, I’m currently living in Da Nang, Vietnam. Vietnam has done a solid job of containing the virus and hasn’t had any new cases in weeks. This means that while much of the world continues to endure lockdown and social distancing, life here is pretty much back to normal.
I know it might be a bit infuriating to read about my gallivanting if you’re stuck in your house or if coronavirus has directly affected you or your people, so please feel free to skip my self-indulgent ramblings 🙂
Ok? Great. Here’s the tale…
Post-lockdown Tinder Spree
In true Sophie-style, as soon as lockdown ended I hit Tinder. Hard. A lot of travellers/expats fled Vietnam when coronavirus struck, meaning that there aren’t that many of us left here. As such, the foreigner dating pool is smol. I didn’t let that stop me and I quickly secured three dates with three hot babes for the week after lockdown lifted.
The first dates were pretty normal by my standards, but the third one was a bit of a shit show. Let me tell you about it, please.
My first date of the week was coffee with an Uruguayan backpacker who’s trapped in Da Nang because of, well, you know.
He was cute, funny, and despite a bit of a language barrier, it was an excellent first date. We had a second date a week later, which was a fun evening of negroni-drinking and heavy petting. It’s doubtful that a third date will happen, though, as I’m pretty certain he’s heavy petting the vast majority of women in Da Nang. But that rant’s for another time.
My second date of the week was with a German digital nomad who’s living here in Da Nang. His Tinder profile said something about not liking small talk, which was concerning considering my number one chat topic is ‘the weather’. But, he was handsome and interesting so we arranged a date and I set myself the fun challenge of seeing how long I could talk small at him.
I managed it for four hours, and I think he actually loved it. A walk on the beach turned into a ride on his motorbike which turned into pizza eating and beer drinking. There was no chemistry but nice friendship vibes and I definitely enjoyed looking at his muscles (in a friendship way). All-in-all it was a solid first ‘date’.
This is where things get silly. Date number three was with a woman from the US. The gay dating scene here is tiny, and the fat, queer, femme pool is incredibly minuscule. I mean, it seems to contain just me and this soft-bodied California babe. So, when I stumbled on her Tinder profile I was EXCITED. We matched, we chatted, and we set a date for yet another beach walk two days after my date with the German nomad.
Date-day came and we met at the agreed spot. As I’ve previously written about, I’ve got no game with girls so the first couple of minutes were a blur of nervous chattering from yours truly. We set off strolling and had only walked about 100 metres down the beach when the German guy from date #2 literally lept out in front of us.
Shit. I’d been busted for being a serial dater. I frantically searched my brain for an exit strategy.
I thought about just running into the sea and swimming to China.
I thought about faking a seizure.
I briefly considered moving back to England.
But then, confusingly, this guy addressed both me and my date by name. This was mighty confusing and incredibly awkward. My lady-date and I both froze as we tried to work out what connection the other had to the dude in front of us.
German guy interrupted our silent panicking, shouting “oh wow are you guys on a date” in our faces. Our confirmation that we were, in fact, trying to be on a date was met with a flurry of questions: “how’s it going?”, “do you like each other?”, “you’re both bisexual, then?”
Once the German guy had finally finished his interrogation and wandered off, I asked the American girl how she knew him.
Turns out, she’d been on a date with him the previous day, which was the day after I’d dated him, and the day before she dated me.
In the space of three evenings, we had created our very own accidental love triangle.
A Very Bad Group Date
The date with American girl never really recovered and although we had fun it seemed that there was zero love connection happening between us. So, in an effort to make the most of our very strange situation, we thought it might be fun to invite the German guy to hang out with us on a sort of three-way date.
SPOILER: It was not fun.
We chose beach-beers and swimming for our meeting. The beer was nice and the swim was fine, but that’s all the positive stuff I have to say. The entire ordeal was awkward and strangely competitive and for the second time that week I considered swimming to China to get away from the situation. Instead, I faked a work deadline and hot-footed it out of there.
I actually deleted Tinder after this whole shit show love triangle scenario. How much are we betting that this won’t last?
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