I have discovered the best tax avoidance scheme for digital nomads. It’s honestly genius.
Loads of nomads talk about tax havens and dividends and moving their businesses to Georgia or whatever. Which works well – I’m sure. But my method is better. It’s easier and requires almost no effort or admin. You also avoid costly legal and accountancy fees which is great. After all, they can add up when you’re managing a global empire and doing your best to avoid sending your fair share to the taxman (Jeff Bezos if you’re reading this I’m talking about you).
What is my method, I hear you wondering? It’s called The Threshold Method and basically, all you need to do is make fuck all money. The aim is to make just under the tax threshold every year, thus limiting your exposure to any nasty tax liabilities.
Told you it was simple.
Here’s how I do it:
Don’t Work a Lot
It can be hard keeping your income low enough to qualify for The Threshold Method, but with a little practice, I promise you’ll get the hang of it. I find that four hours per day is the perfect amount for hitting that sweet spot of making just enough money to survive. Nomads on other tax schemes can get a little judgemental about this element of The Threshold Method, but they’re just jealous that their own schemes require a lot more hard work than mine.
To avoid jealous stares I recommend spreading those four hours out as much as possible to give the perception that you’re working reallllll hard. Take long breaks, mess about on your phone a lot, and try to team up with other people using the method so you can have lovely long chats. That way, it’ll look like you’ve been at it all day when in fact, you definitely have not.
Have no Ambition or Drive
The Threshold Method only really works if you’re properly committed to it. You don’t just ‘try out’ the method. Once you’re in: you’re in. If you think you might actually want to make some decent money one day, I’m sorry to say that The Threshold Method isn’t for you.
The most successful members of my scheme just cannot be bothered to try hard. They are your classic coasters: they have just enough privilege to be able to do the bare minimum knowing that they’ll eventually inherit a house from mummy and daddy. As such, there’s no real need to be financially ambitious. Why work hard when someone else can work hard for you AMIRIGHT?
Career-wise, it’s important not to be too wise about your career. Avoid promotions, turn down new clients, and do all that you can to not push yourself too hard. If anybody questions you, just tell them that you “value time over money”. It makes you sound like an anti-capitalist winner instead of the lazy loser that you probably are.
Pinch Those Pennies
Ever wondered why there are so many nomads in parts of the world where the cost of living is less? Chances are, many of those nomads are operating under The Threshold Method. Clearly, if you don’t make money, you can’t spend money, so you’ve really got to watch those pennies.
All new members of this scheme are encouraged to find the cheapest possible room in a houseshare, regardless of whether water pours through the light fixtures when it rains (I put up with it and so can you). You should also aggressively barter with local market-stall holders over the equivalent of £0.10 at every given opportunity (you need it more than they do, man). Some of my very best members actually busk/beg while they’re travelling to get some cash-in-hand dollars that the taxman will never know about. That level of dick-headery is only for pros though – don’t panic if you can’t bring yourself to be that awful just yet (you’ll get there, don’t worry).
By following these simple steps you’ll make almost no money and will never have to pay a penny in tax. And, unlike those nomads that are having ‘six-figure months’ (and telling anyone that’ll listen about them), you won’t need to cough up any of your hard-earned money to get professional help declaring your dosh. Nobody needs an accountancy degree to submit zero. Smart, huh?
What’s your favourite tax avoidance scheme? Let me know in the comments.
Wanna read more about my long love affair with doing zero work?
Here’s one about how I’m a big fat failure
